I plead guilty. Sometimes I am not there for anyone because I need myself. There are those who confuse this disconnection with selfishness and get angry, the smartest understand and respect it because they themselves have sometimes also needed to disconnect from the world.
There are times when we just can't keep up with the connection that society is trying to impose on us and we need to get away to put the broken pieces back together or just take a break. Although we are not fully aware of this, the “obligation” to always be connected and ready to respond generates a tension that can become the drop that fills the glass. So sometimes it is necessary to close doors to the world and take time to be alone.
The risks of relegating ourselves to the background
On many occasions we end up relegating ourselves to the background, we put ourselves in the drawer of pending matters to prioritize other people or tasks. As a result, we end up losing ourselves in that natural day-to-day hustle. We postpone our necessary rest and disconnection to resolve small emergencies, respond to messages and maintain relationships.
The problem is that if we continually relegate ourselves, we will end up disconnecting from ourselves or, what is even worse, getting sick. In fact, we must remember that to take care of others we must first take care of ourselves. To enjoy the presence of others we must first know how to enjoy our company.
Living in such a competitive and hyper-connected society can make us either focus too much on life's small emergencies or try so hard to meet the needs of others that we end up forgetting our own.
At that point we will begin to experience some changes, the first warning signs that we are about to reach the limit:
- Constant fatigue. It is an extreme tiredness from which we cannot recover even when resting as it is the product of a tension or stress maintained over a long time.
- Frustration. When we give too much of ourselves, somewhere in our interior we know that we have to disconnect but since we cannot, we can begin to experience great frustration. It is as if we feel trapped in a whirlpool that we do not know how to get out of.
- Irritability and impatience. Everything bothers us, even the small stimuli that previously went unnoticed, which is because our senses are hyper-stimulated and our nervous system is on the edge, so it overreacts to the environment.
- Loss of consciousness. There comes a point where we can start to think that nothing makes sense, the things we used to like lose their appeal and we act from apathy and disinterest, as if we were on autopilot. This is because we have sunk into our responsibilities, neglecting the most hedonistic part of life.
The funny thing is that living in a hyper-demanding and stimulated environment ends up acting as a narcotic that makes us insensitive to our needs. So sometimes you just have to stop.
5 good reasons to spend time alone with us
 1 - Recharge batteries
Spending time alone helps us release the tension that others can throw on our shoulders. Basically, it is an opportunity to restore emotional balance and recharge our batteries. It is no coincidence that a study conducted at the University of Illinois found that people who felt comfortable being alone and were concerned with defending those spaces had a lower risk of depression, reported fewer physical ailments, and had greater overall satisfaction with life. .
2 - Reestablish self-control
The ability to resist temptations, make good decisions, and control our behavior depends largely on self-control. However, it has been shown that self-regulation is not an infinite capacity but that it is depleting throughout the day, as we have to make use of it. A study conducted at Northwestern University found that our self-control is particularly sensitive to complex and demanding interpersonal relationships. Therefore, being alone helps us regain that capacity and emotional control over our reactions.
3 - Recover the brain
Being alone is essential for the brain since in this way we allow it to “disconnect”. In fact, a study conducted at the Research Center for Regenerative Therapies Dresden has found that silence helps regenerate neurons. The problem is that when we are alone and in silence, what is known as the “default neural network” is activated, so that we give a rest to the brain areas that we exploit the most when we are connected. These give us the possibility to clarify the mind, focus and think more clearly. Away from everyday distractions, we can think better.
4 - Intimate connection with the "I"
Surrounded by stimuli, it is difficult to connect with our essence. Spending time alone allows us to rediscover ourselves and listen to our inner voice. These moments are extremely valuable because they involve stopping in life to worry about the "little boy" that lives inside us, to know how he is and what he wants.
5 - Improve interpersonal relationships
It may seem like a contradiction, but spending time alone allows us to be more relaxed and focused, which will have a positive impact on our interpersonal relationships. We will be able to better cope with everyday friction without being upset and we will enjoy the presence of others much more.
How to regain control?
When you sense that the world is spinning too fast, the time has come to stop. If you feel that the pressure from those around you is excessive and is preventing you from being yourself, stop and reorganize your priorities.
Others are likely to need you, but in order to help them you must strengthen yourself, and that means resting and disconnecting. Reframe your day to day and eliminate all those small "emergencies" that consume your time and energy uselessly.
It is important that you meet your goals, but without stressing yourself too much
And if necessary, take a few hours or a day to be alone with you. It is not an act of selfishness, it is a necessity. Not being for anyone because at that moment you need yourself is an act of care and respect towards you.
Disconnect and worry only about your mental health. Learn how to put yourself on your priority list.
-Jennifer Delgado-
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